The Afternoon I Finally Handed Over My Fear, As It Was

Airnote  ·  Lysa  ·  Jul 4, 2026

Sitting side by side on the cargo bench past noon, holding hands, he asked, how's your back?

No change, I said — and somewhere inside, I was already lining up the words meant to reassure him, the way I always do.

If it spreads more, would you stop feeling anything at all? Yu said quietly, and for the first time, the thing I'd been avoiding even imagining turned properly into words. Even then, some part of me still reached for I'm fine, I don't want to stop — reassurance, before anything else.

You're holding back for my sake, aren't you? — looking straight at me, and with that one line, something I'd kept hidden came loose.

I'm not going to break just because a girl like you leans on me. So just — be more yourself. The moment he said it, my eyes went soft, and for the first time, I handed over the fear, exactly as it was.

Being afraid it would keep spreading. Not knowing how far the numbness might reach. Feeling like I wasn't allowed to complain, since I chose this myself. All of it, laid out, before I could hide it again.

In the middle of the crowd, still sitting on that cargo bench, held — the noise of the street, the presence of people, all of it grew distant, and it felt like just that one spot was kept safe, wrapped in quiet.

An afternoon where I took off one layer of pretending to be strong. And because of that, the arms holding me felt so much deeper than they usually did.